We all know how difficult it can be when a couple decide to divorce or end a civil partnership, or cohabiting relationship particularly when children are involved.
However, with around 42 per cent of marriages in the UK now ending in divorce, and with half of these involving children under the age of 16, it is a part of life that requires a normality all of its own.
This has led to the advent of birdnesting, the latest approach to family living arrangements following a divorce or separation.
Under this arrangement, separated partners retain the main family home and purchase a smaller rented residence such as a flat. Each parent lives with the children in the house for a set period, often switching places weekly.
During this time, the other lives in the smaller property, while the children consistently live in the main home to minimise their disruption.
This may seem like a strange approach to post-separation living arrangements, but family law practitioners are seeing a marked increase in its popularity – and it’s becoming clear why.
A modern approach to co-parenting
Under UK family law, each child has two parents with parental responsibility – typically the child’s biological mother and the child’s biological father as listed on the birth certificate.
A significant part of parental responsibility is the requirement to provide a safe home for the child, which can be made more difficult when parents separate, as this can result in:
- A decrease in total household income
- The sale of a family home
- Conflict over assets, which may include a property
Beyond this requirement, many parents will each want to spend time with their children and take an active role in their protection and upbringing.
Unfortunately, the housing market is not conducive to purchasing a second family home, particularly in areas where housing costs are steep like the South East.
Birdnesting offers a more cost-effective alternative to maintaining two family homes. It adds only the cost of renting a small property to the cost of running the family home, rather than purchasing a second.
It also offers a way for parents to meet their parental responsibilities while maintaining stability in a child’s life.
Maintaining stability in more ways than one
One of the most significant ways that divorce or separation impacts children is through disruption to their lives.
Moving between houses to spend time with one parent or the other is a major contributor to this, as well as the resulting distress from losing their familiar home, changing schools or losing touch with friends.
Stability and reducing disruption are arguably at the core of much of the legislation surrounding children’s matters – the requirement to regularly attend school, parental responsibility, protection from harm – so it is a strong argument in favour of a birdnesting arrangement.
The challenges of birdnesting
However, birdnesting is only suitable in certain situations.
It requires substantial financial ties between former spouses as they continue to own a property together, and have to navigate who pays what in terms of mortgage, rent and utility bills, food, which may not be appropriate when a separation has not been amicable.
This could, in fact, lead to further disputes and ultimately have a negative impact on the wellbeing of the children involved.
A continued financial relationship may also make divorce proceedings and asset separation more complex, although this can be worked around if a birdnesting arrangement is mutually agreeable to both parties.
Finally, there is the question of other relationships. If one parent enters a new relationship, there will need to be a discussion over whether the new partner is permitted to stay in the main home and whether the arrangement can continue if one parent wishes to move away from the area.
A verdict on birdnesting
Birdnesting has the potential to be a revolution in how parents live with and see their children after a divorce or separation.
That said, it absolutely must be a voluntary and collaborative arrangement. Otherwise, it is likely to fail and cause the very disruption it aims to avoid.
As with any separation, arrangements between parents should be detailed and all-encompassing, to include:
- Co-parenting arrangements
- Who bears the responsibility for which costs
- Time spent in the main home/with the children
- Rules for guests and family within the main home
- Rules for holidays and overseas travel
Ultimately, it is an innovative concept that reflects the changing attitudes to divorce in the UK as something which is to be accepted and worked around.
While it is certainly not the only co-parenting solution which prioritises the needs of the children, where a birdnesting arrangement is in place and functioning, it is indicative of a wider respect between parents and a willingness to put the good of the child first.
For advice on living arrangements and children’s matters after a divorce or separation, please contact me at KarenBishop@palmerslaw.co.uk.
