Child contact arrangements in blended families at Christmas

We understand that Christmas can be a very special time for families and loved ones, but we also know that it can become more complicated in non-nuclear families – with blended families being one of the most common arrangements coming under this term.

A blended family might include:

• A couple who both have children from previous relationships
• A couple with children together and children from previous relationships
• A family where one parent has a new partner
• Families with half or step-siblings.

At the time of the last census in 2021, there were 781,000 blended families recorded in England and Wales – although this data uses a narrower definition of ‘blended’, so there are likely many more than this.

For many families, contact at Christmas is straightforward but, for many others, it can result in disputes that might need a bit of help to solve – whether that be a mediator, a solicitor or the help of the family court.

Navigating the festive season

Christmas contact arrangements for blended families can be difficult for a number of reasons, including:

• One parent/family living far away from the other
• A difficult relationship between separated parents
• One parent not wanting their child to see their other parent’s partner, such as due to safety concerns
• A new partner wanting to spend Christmas with their family and their partner and children.

It is almost always best for parents to come to an agreement between themselves when making arrangements for children at Christmas, which can be done privately or through mediation.

This method offers the most flexibility and aims to protect relationships between separated parents and step-families, while allowing everyone to centre the needs of their child – although there are other steps you can take.

As an example…

For example, consider a child, Mary, with separated parents, Paul and Jane, who get on well.

Jane also has a child with her new partner, Greg, and Mary lives with them.

Paul does not have another child, but he has remarried to Lisa and is stepfather to Lisa’s children. Jane does not get on with Lisa and doesn’t want her child to spend time with her.

Who does Mary spend the Christmas period with?

Finding a solution

You might reasonably assume that Mary spends Christmas with Jane, Greg and her half-sibling because she lives with them.

For many families, this is the case, but what happens when Paul also wants to spend Christmas with his daughter?

There are several options here, that many real-life families choose:

• Jane and Paul spend alternate Christmases with Mary – but Jane does not feel comfortable having Mary spend Christmas with Lisa.
• For Paul to spend some Christmases with Mary, Jane and Greg – but Paul has a child with his new partner who he wants to see on Christmas.
• Everyone spending the day together – but this will include Jane and Lisa.

There is also the matter of other relatives wanting to spend Christmas with Mary or Paul’s other child, such as grandparents.

We can see here that it is easy for disputes to arise over the issue of child contact arrangements at Christmas, particularly for blended families – so how do we tackle these?

Tackling disputes

If discussion or mediation is not effective, you can go down a more structured route to obtain additional support in coming to an agreement.

Family arbitration is an option for families who cannot come to an accord and do not wish to go through the family courts (which can be expensive and time-consuming).

Family courts are also unlikely to be able to prioritise matters relating to Christmas child contact arrangements, as they are currently facing a significant backlog.

Whichever route to resolution you take, it is important to put the needs of your child at the centre of your discussion.

For further advice on contact arrangements for children in blended families at Christmas, please contact our team and find out how we can help.